clock speed
%
BOFH Excuses:
solar flares
%
BOFH Excuses:
electromagnetic radiation from satellite debris
%
BOFH Excuses:
static from nylon underwear
%
BOFH Excuses:
static from plastic slide rules
%
BOFH Excuses:
global warming
%
BOFH Excuses:
poor power conditioning
%
BOFH Excuses:
static buildup
%
BOFH Excuses:
doppler effect
%
BOFH Excuses:
hardware stress fractures
%
BOFH Excuses:
magnetic interferance from money/credit cards
%
BOFH Excuses:
dry joints on cable plug
%
BOFH Excuses:
we're waiting for [the phone company] to fix that line
%
BOFH Excuses:
sounds like a Windows problem, try calling Microsoft support
%
BOFH Excuses:
temporary routing anomaly
%
BOFH Excuses:
somebody was calculating pi on the server
%
BOFH Excuses:
fat electrons in the lines
%
BOFH Excuses:
excess surge protection
%
BOFH Excuses:
floating point processor overflow
%
BOFH Excuses:
divide-by-zero error
%
BOFH Excuses:
POSIX complience problem
%
BOFH Excuses:
monitor resolution too high
%
BOFH Excuses:
improperly oriented keyboard
%
BOFH Excuses:
network packets travelling uphill (use a carrier pigeon)
%
BOFH Excuses:
Decreasing electron flux
%
BOFH Excuses:
first Saturday after first full moon in Winter
%
BOFH Excuses:
radiosity depletion
%
BOFH Excuses:
CPU radiator broken
%
BOFH Excuses:
It works the way the Wang did, what's the problem
%
BOFH Excuses:
positron router malfunction
%
BOFH Excuses:
cellular telephone interference
%
BOFH Excuses:
techtonic stress
%
BOFH Excuses:
pizeo-electric interference
%
BOFH Excuses:
(l)user error
%
BOFH Excuses:
working as designed
%
BOFH Excuses:
dynamic software linking table corrupted
%
BOFH Excuses:
heavy gravity fluctuation, move computer to floor rapidly
%
BOFH Excuses:
secretary plugged hairdryer into UPS
%
BOFH Excuses:
terrorist activities
%
BOFH Excuses:
not enough memory, go get system upgrade
%
BOFH Excuses:
interrupt configuration error
%
BOFH Excuses:
spaghetti cable cause packet failure
%
BOFH Excuses:
boss forgot system password
%
BOFH Excuses:
bank holiday - system operating credits  not recharged
%
BOFH Excuses:
virus attack, luser responsible
%
BOFH Excuses:
waste water tank overflowed onto computer
%
BOFH Excuses:
Complete Transient Lockout
%
BOFH Excuses:
bad ether in the cables
%
BOFH Excuses:
Bogon emissions
%
BOFH Excuses:
Change in Earth's rotational speed
%
BOFH Excuses:
Cosmic ray particles crashed through the hard disk platter
%
BOFH Excuses:
Smell from unhygenic janitorial staff wrecked the tape heads
%
BOFH Excuses:
Little hamster in running wheel had coronary; waiting for replacement to be Fed
%
BOFH Excuses:
exed from Wyoming
%
BOFH Excuses:
Evil dogs hypnotized the night shift
%
BOFH Excuses:
Plumber mistook routing panel for decorative wall fixture
%
BOFH Excuses:
Electricians made popcorn in the power supply
%
BOFH Excuses:
Groundskeepers stole the root password
%
BOFH Excuses:
high pressure system failure
%
BOFH Excuses:
failed trials, system needs redesigned
%
BOFH Excuses:
system has been recalled
%
BOFH Excuses:
not approved by the FCC
%
BOFH Excuses:
need to wrap system in aluminum foil to fix problem
%
BOFH Excuses:
not properly grounded, please bury computer
%
BOFH Excuses:
CPU needs recalibration
%
BOFH Excuses:
system needs to be rebooted
%
BOFH Excuses:
bit bucket overflow
%
BOFH Excuses:
descramble code needed from software company
%
BOFH Excuses:
only available on a need to know basis
%
BOFH Excuses:
knot in cables caused data stream to become twisted and kinked
%
BOFH Excuses:
nesting roaches shorted out the ether cable
%
BOFH Excuses:
The file system is full of it
%
BOFH Excuses:
Satan did it
%
BOFH Excuses:
Daemons did it
%
BOFH Excuses:
You're out of memory
%
BOFH Excuses:
There isn't any problem
%
BOFH Excuses:
Unoptimized hard drive
%
BOFH Excuses:
Typo in the code
%
BOFH Excuses:
Yes, yes, its called a desgin limitation
%
BOFH Excuses:
Look, buddy:  Windows 3.1 IS A General Protection Fault.
%
BOFH Excuses:
That's a great computer you have there; have you considered how it would work as a BSD machine?
%
BOFH Excuses:
Please excuse me, I have to circuit an AC line through my head to get this database working.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Yeah, yo mama dresses you funny and you need a mouse to delete files.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Support staff hung over, send aspirin and come back LATER.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Someone is standing on the ethernet cable, causeing a kink in the cable
%
BOFH Excuses:
Windows 95 "feature"
%
BOFH Excuses:
Runt packets
%
BOFH Excuses:
Password is too complex to decrypt
%
BOFH Excuses:
Boss' kid fucked up the machine
%
BOFH Excuses:
Electromagnetic energy loss
%
BOFH Excuses:
Budget cuts
%
BOFH Excuses:
Mouse chewed through power cable
%
BOFH Excuses:
Stale file handle (next time use Tupperware(tm)!)
%
BOFH Excuses:
Feature not yet implimented
%
BOFH Excuses:
Internet outage
%
BOFH Excuses:
Pentium FDIV bug
%
BOFH Excuses:
Vendor no longer supports the product
%
BOFH Excuses:
Small animal kamikaze attack on power supplies
%
BOFH Excuses:
The vendor put the bug there.
%
BOFH Excuses:
SIMM crosstalk.
%
BOFH Excuses:
IRQ dropout
%
BOFH Excuses:
Collapsed Backbone
%
BOFH Excuses:
Power company testing new voltage spike (creation) equipment
%
BOFH Excuses:
Operators on strike due to broken coffee machine
%
BOFH Excuses:
backup tape overwritten with copy of system manager's favourite CD
%
BOFH Excuses:
UPS interrupted the server's power
%
BOFH Excuses:
The electrician didn't know what the yellow cable was so he yanked the ethernet out.
%
BOFH Excuses:
The keyboard isn't plugged in
%
BOFH Excuses:
The air conditioning water supply pipe ruptured over the machine room
%
BOFH Excuses:
The electricity substation in the car park blew up.
%
BOFH Excuses:
The rolling stones concert down the road caused a brown out
%
BOFH Excuses:
The salesman drove over the CPU board.
%
BOFH Excuses:
The monitor is plugged into the serial port
%
BOFH Excuses:
Root nameservers are out of sync
%
BOFH Excuses:
Electro-magnetic pulses from French above ground nuke testing.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Your keyboard's space bar is generating spurious keycodes.
%
BOFH Excuses:
The real ttys became pseudo ttys and vice-versa.
%
BOFH Excuses:
The printer thinks its a router.
%
BOFH Excuses:
The router thinks its a printer.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Evil hackers from Serbia.
%
BOFH Excuses:
We just switched to FDDI.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Halon system went off and killed the operators.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Because Bill Gates is a Jehovah's witness and so nothing can work on St. Swithin's day.
%
BOFH Excuses:
User to computer ratio too high.
%
BOFH Excuses:
User to computer ration too low.
%
BOFH Excuses:
We just switched to Sprint.
%
BOFH Excuses:
It has Intel Inside
%
BOFH Excuses:
Sticky bits on disk.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Power Company having EMP problems with their reactor
%
BOFH Excuses:
The ring needs another token
%
BOFH Excuses:
New management
%
BOFH Excuses:
Telnet: Unable to connect to remote host: Connection refused
%
BOFH Excuses:
SCSI Chain overterminated
%
BOFH Excuses:
It's not plugged in.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Because of network lag due to too many people playing deathmatch
%
BOFH Excuses:
You put the disk in upside down.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Daemons loose in system.
%
BOFH Excuses:
User was distributing pornography on server; system seized by FBI.
%
BOFH Excuses:
BNC (brain not  (user brain not connected)
%
BOFH Excuses:
UBNC (user brain not connected)
%
BOFH Excuses:
LBNC (luser brain not connected)
%
BOFH Excuses:
Disks spinning backwards - toggle the hemisphere jumper.
%
BOFH Excuses:
New guy cross-connected phone lines with ac power bus.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Had to use hammer to free stuck disk drive heads.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Too few computrons available.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Flat tire on station wagon with tapes.  ("Never underestimate the bandwidth of
%
BOFH Excuses:
a station wagon full of tapes hurling down the highway" Andrew S. Tanenbaum)
%
BOFH Excuses:
Communications satellite used by the military for star wars.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Party-bug in the Aloha protocol.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Insert coin for new game
%
BOFH Excuses:
Dew on the telephone lines.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Arcserve crashed the server again.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Some one needed the powerstrip, so they pulled the switch plug.
%
BOFH Excuses:
My pony-tail hit the on/off switch on the power strip.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Big to little endian conversion error
%
BOFH Excuses:
You can tune a file system, but you can't tune a fish (from most tunefs man pages)
%
BOFH Excuses:
Dumb terminal
%
BOFH Excuses:
Zombie processes haunting the computer
%
BOFH Excuses:
Incorrect time syncronization
%
BOFH Excuses:
Defunct processes
%
BOFH Excuses:
Stubborn processes
%
BOFH Excuses:
non-redundant fan failure
%
BOFH Excuses:
monitor VLF leakage
%
BOFH Excuses:
bugs in the RAID
%
BOFH Excuses:
no "any" key on keyboard
%
BOFH Excuses:
root rot
%
BOFH Excuses:
Backbone Scoliosis
%
BOFH Excuses:
/pub/lunch
%
BOFH Excuses:
excessive collisions & not enough packet ambulances
%
BOFH Excuses:
le0: no carrier: transceiver cable problem?
%
BOFH Excuses:
broadcast packets on wrong frequency
%
BOFH Excuses:
popper unable to process jumbo kernel
%
BOFH Excuses:
NOTICE: alloc: /dev/null: filesystem full
%
BOFH Excuses:
pseudo-user on a pseudo-terminal
%
BOFH Excuses:
Recursive traversal of loopback mount points
%
BOFH Excuses:
Backbone adjustment
%
BOFH Excuses:
OS swapped to disk
%
BOFH Excuses:
vapors from evaporating sticky-note adhesives
%
BOFH Excuses:
sticktion
%
BOFH Excuses:
short leg on process table
%
BOFH Excuses:
multicasts on broken packets
%
BOFH Excuses:
ether leak
%
BOFH Excuses:
Atilla the Hub
%
BOFH Excuses:
endothermal recalibration
%
BOFH Excuses:
filesystem not big enough for Jumbo Kernel Patch
%
BOFH Excuses:
loop found in loop in redundant loopback
%
BOFH Excuses:
system consumed all the paper for paging
%
BOFH Excuses:
permission denied
%
BOFH Excuses:
Reformatting Page. Wait...
%
BOFH Excuses:
..disk or the processor is on fire.
%
BOFH Excuses:
SCSI's too wide.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Proprietary Information.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Just type 'mv * /dev/null'.
%
BOFH Excuses:
runaway cat on system.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Did you pay the new Support Fee?
%
BOFH Excuses:
We only support a 1200 bps connection.
%
BOFH Excuses:
We only support a 28000 bps connection.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Me no internet, only janitor, me just wax floors.
%
BOFH Excuses:
I'm sorry a pentium won't do, you need an SGI to connect with us.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Post-it Note Sludge leaked into the monitor.
%
BOFH Excuses:
the curls in your keyboard cord are losing electricity.
%
BOFH Excuses:
The monitor needs another box of pixels.
%
BOFH Excuses:
RPC_PMAP_FAILURE
%
BOFH Excuses:
kernel panic: write-only-memory (/dev/wom0) capacity exceeded.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Write-only-memory subsystem too slow for this machine. Contact your local dealer.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Just pick up the phone and give modem connect sounds. "Well you said we should get more lines so we don't have voice lines."
%
BOFH Excuses:
Quantum dynamics are affecting the transistors
%
BOFH Excuses:
Police are examining all internet packets in the search for a narco-net-traficer
%
BOFH Excuses:
We are currently trying a new concept of using a live mouse.  Unfortuantely, one has yet to survive being hooked up to the computer.....please bear with us.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Your mail is being routed through Germany ... and they're censoring us.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Only people with names beginning with 'A' are getting mail this week (a la Microsoft)
%
BOFH Excuses:
We didn't pay the Internet bill and it's been cut off.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Lightning strikes.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Of course it doesn't work. We've performed a software upgrade.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Change your language to Finnish.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Flourescent lights are generating negative ions. If turning them off doesn't work, take them out and put tin foil on the ends.
%
BOFH Excuses:
High nuclear activity in your area.
%
BOFH Excuses:
What office are you in? Oh, that one.  Did you know that your building was buil
%
BOFH Excuses:
t over the universities first nuclear research site? And wow, are'nt you the lucky one, your office is right over where the core is buried!
%
BOFH Excuses:
The MGs ran out of gas.
%
BOFH Excuses:
The UPS doesn't have a battery backup.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Recursivity.  Call back if it happens again.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Someone thought The Big Red Button was a light switch.
%
BOFH Excuses:
The mainframe needs to rest.  It's getting old, you know.
%
BOFH Excuses:
I'm not sure.  Try calling the Internet's head office -- it's in the book.
%
BOFH Excuses:
The lines are all busy (busied out, that is -- why let them in to begin with?).
%
BOFH Excuses:
Jan  9 16:41:27 huber su: 'su root' succeeded for .... on /dev/pts/1
%
BOFH Excuses:
It's those computer people in X {city of world}.  They keep stuffing things up.
%
BOFH Excuses:
A star wars satellite accidently blew up the WAN.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Fatal error right in front of screen
%
BOFH Excuses:
That function is not currently supported, but Bill Gates assures us it will be featured in the next upgrade.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Wrong polarity of neutron flow
%
BOFH Excuses:
Lusers learning curve appears to be fractal
%
BOFH Excuses:
We had to turn off that service to comply with the CDA Bill.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Ionisation from the air-conditioning
%
BOFH Excuses:
TCP/IP UDP alarm threshold is set too low.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Someone is broadcasting pigmy packets and the router dosn't know how to deal with them.
%
BOFH Excuses:
The new frame relay network hasn't bedded down the software loop transmitter yet.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Fanout dropping voltage too much, try cutting some of those little traces
%
BOFH Excuses:
Plate voltage too low on demodulator tube
%
BOFH Excuses:
You did wha... oh _dear_....
%
BOFH Excuses:
CPU needs bearings repacked
%
BOFH Excuses:
Too many little pins on CPU confusing it, bend back and forth until 10-20% are neatly removed. Do _not_ leave metal bits visible!
%
BOFH Excuses:
_Rosin_ core solder? But...
%
BOFH Excuses:
Software uses US measurements, but the OS is in metric...
%
BOFH Excuses:
The computer fletely, mouse and all.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Your cat tried to eat the mouse.
%
BOFH Excuses:
The Borg tried to assimilate your system. Resistance is futile.
%
BOFH Excuses:
It must have been the lightning storm we had (yesterdy) (last week) (last month)
%
BOFH Excuses:
Due to Federal Budget problems we have been forced to cut back on the number of users able to access the system at one time. (namely none allowed....)
%
BOFH Excuses:
Too much radiation coming from the soil.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Unfortunately we have run out of bits/bytes/whatever. Don't worry, the next supply will be coming next week.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Program load too heavy for processor to lift.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Processes running slowly due to weak power supply
%
BOFH Excuses:
Our ISP is having {switching,routing,SMDS,frame relay} problems
%
BOFH Excuses:
We've run out of licenses
%
BOFH Excuses:
Interference from lunar radiation
%
BOFH Excuses:
Standing room only on the bus.
%
BOFH Excuses:
You need to install an RTFM interface.
%
BOFH Excuses:
That would be because the software doesn't work.
%
BOFH Excuses:
That's easy to fix, but I can't be bothered.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Someone's tie is caught in the printer, and if anything else gets printed, he'll be in it too.
%
BOFH Excuses:
We're upgrading /dev/null
%
BOFH Excuses:
The Usenet news is out of date
%
BOFH Excuses:
Our POP server was kidnapped by a weasel.
%
BOFH Excuses:
It's stuck in the Web.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Your modem doesn't speak English.
%
BOFH Excuses:
The mouse escaped.
%
BOFH Excuses:
All of the packets are empty.
%
BOFH Excuses:
The UPS is on strike.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Neutrino overload on the nameserver
%
BOFH Excuses:
Melting hard drives
%
BOFH Excuses:
Someone has messed up the kernel pointers
%
BOFH Excuses:
The kernel license has expired
%
BOFH Excuses:
Netscape has crashed
%
BOFH Excuses:
The cord jumped over and hit the power switch.
%
BOFH Excuses:
It was OK before you touched it.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Bit rot
%
BOFH Excuses:
U.S. Postal Service
%
BOFH Excuses:
Your Flux Capacitor has gone bad.
%
BOFH Excuses:
The Dilithium Cyrstals need to be rotated.
%
BOFH Excuses:
The static electricity routing is acting up...
%
BOFH Excuses:
Traceroute says that there is a routing problem in the backbone.  It's not our problem.
%
BOFH Excuses:
The co-locator cannot verify the frame-relay gateway to the ISDN server.
%
BOFH Excuses:
High altitude condensation from U.S.A.F prototype aircraft has contaminated the primary subnet mask. Turn off your computer for 9 days to avoid damaging it.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Lawn mower blade in your fan need sharpening
%
BOFH Excuses:
Electrons on a bender
%
BOFH Excuses:
Telecommunications is upgrading.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Telecommunications is downgrading.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Telecommunications is downshifting.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Hard drive sleeping. Let it wake up on it's own...
%
BOFH Excuses:
Interference between the keyboard and the chair.
%
BOFH Excuses:
The CPU has shifted, and become decentralized.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Due to the CDA, we no longer have a root account.
%
BOFH Excuses:
We ran out of dial tone and we're and waiting for the phone company to deliver another bottle.
%
BOFH Excuses:
You must've hit the wrong anykey.
%
BOFH Excuses:
PCMCIA slave driver
%
BOFH Excuses:
The Token fell out of the ring. Call us when you find it.
%
BOFH Excuses:
The hardware bus needs a new token.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Too many interrupts
%
BOFH Excuses:
Not enough interrupts
%
BOFH Excuses:
The data on your hard drive is out of balance.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Digital Manipulator exceeding velocity parameters
%
BOFH Excuses:
appears to be a Slow/Narrow SCSI-0 Interface problem
%
BOFH Excuses:
Microelectronic Riemannian curved-space fault in write-only file system
%
BOFH Excuses:
Fractal radiation jamming the backbone
%
BOFH Excuses:
Routing problems on the neural net
%
BOFH Excuses:
IRQ-problems with the Un-Interruptable-Power-Supply
%
BOFH Excuses:
CPU-angle has to be adjusted because of vibrations coming from the nearby road
%
BOFH Excuses:
Emissions from GSM-phones
%
BOFH Excuses:
CD-ROM server needs recalibration
%
BOFH Excuses:
Firewall needs cooling
%
BOFH Excuses:
Asynchronous inode failure
%
BOFH Excuses:
Transient bus protocol violation
%
BOFH Excuses:
Incompatible bit-registration operators
%
BOFH Excuses:
Your process is not ISO 9000 compliant
%
BOFH Excuses:
You need to upgrade your VESA local bus to a MasterCard local bus.
%
BOFH Excuses:
The recent proliferation of Nuclear Testing
%
BOFH Excuses:
Elves on strike. (Why do they call EMAG Elf Magic)
%
BOFH Excuses:
Internet exceeded Luser level, please wait until a luser logs off before attempting to log back on.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Your EMAIL is now being delivered by the USPS.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Your computer hasn't been returning all the bits it gets from the Internet.
%
BOFH Excuses:
You've been infected by the Telescoping Hubble virus.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Scheduled global CPU outage
%
BOFH Excuses:
Your Pentium has a heating problem - try cooling it with ice cold water.(Do not turn of your computer, you do not want to cool down the Pentium Chip while he isn't working, do you?)
%
BOFH Excuses:
Your processor has processed too many intructions.  Turn it off emideately, do not type any commands!!
%
BOFH Excuses:
Your packets were eaten by the terminator
%
BOFH Excuses:
Your processor does not develop enough heat.
%
BOFH Excuses:
We need a licensed electrician to replace the light bulbs in the computer room.
%
BOFH Excuses:
The POP server is out of Coke
%
BOFH Excuses:
Fiber optics caused gas main leak
%
BOFH Excuses:
Server depressed, needs Prozak
%
BOFH Excuses:
quatnum decoherence
%
BOFH Excuses:
those damn racoons!
%
BOFH Excuses:
suboptimal routing experience
%
BOFH Excuses:
A plumber is needed, the network drain is clogged
%
BOFH Excuses:
50% of the manual is in .pdf readme files
%
BOFH Excuses:
the AA battery in the wallclock sends magnetic interference
%
BOFH Excuses:
the xy axis in the trackball is coordinated with the summer soltice
%
BOFH Excuses:
the butane lighter causes the pincushioning
%
BOFH Excuses:
old inkjet cartridges emanate barium-based fumes
%
BOFH Excuses:
manager in the cable duct
%
BOFH Excuses:
Well fix that in the next (upgrade, update, patch release, service pack).
%
BOFH Excuses:
HTTPD Error 666 : BOFH was here
%
BOFH Excuses:
HTTPD Error 4004 : very old Intel cpu - insufficient processing power
%
BOFH Excuses:
The ATM board has run out of 10 pound notes.  We are having a whip round to refill it, care to contribute ?
%
BOFH Excuses:
Network failure -  call NBC
%
BOFH Excuses:
Having to manually track the satellite.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Your/our computer(s) had suffered a memory leak, and we are waiting for them to be topped up.
%
BOFH Excuses:
The rubber band broke
%
BOFH Excuses:
We're on Token Ring, and it looks like the token got loose.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Stray Alpha Particles from memory packaging caused Hard Memory Error on Server.
%
BOFH Excuses:
paradigm shift...without a clutch
%
BOFH Excuses:
PEBKAC (Problem Exists Between Keyboard And Chair)
%
BOFH Excuses:
The cables are not the same length.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Second-sytem effect.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Chewing gum on /dev/sd3c
%
BOFH Excuses:
Boredom in the Kernel.
%
BOFH Excuses:
the daemons! the daemons! the terrible daemons!
%
BOFH Excuses:
I'd love to help you -- it's just that the Boss won't let me near the computer.
%
BOFH Excuses:
struck by the Good Times virus
%
BOFH Excuses:
YOU HAVE AN I/O ERROR -> Incompetent Operator error
%
BOFH Excuses:
Your parity check is overdrawn and you're out of cache.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Communist revolutionaries taking over the server room and demanding all the computers in the building or they shoot the sysadmin. Poor misguided fools.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Plasma conduit breach
%
BOFH Excuses:
Out of cards on drive D:
%
BOFH Excuses:
Sand fleas eating the Internet cables
%
BOFH Excuses:
parallel processors running perpendicular today
%
BOFH Excuses:
ATM cell has no roaming feature turned on, notebooks can't connect
%
BOFH Excuses:
Webmasters kidnapped by evil cult.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Failure to adjust for daylight savings time.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Virus transmitted from computer to sysadmins.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Virus due to computers having unsafe sex.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Incorrectly configured static routes on the corerouters.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Forced to support NT servers; sysadmins quit.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Suspicious pointer corrupted virtual machine
%
BOFH Excuses:
Its the InterNIC's fault.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Root name servers corrupted.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Budget cuts forced us to sell all the power cords for the servers.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Someone hooked the twisted pair wires into the answering machine.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Operators killed by year 2000 bug bite.
%
BOFH Excuses:
We've picked COBOL as the language of choice.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Operators killed when huge stack of backup tapes fell over.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Robotic tape changer mistook operator's tie for a backup tape.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Someone was smoking in the computer room and set off the halon systems.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Your processor has taken a ride to Heaven's Gate on the UFO behind Hale-Bopp's comet.
%
BOFH Excuses:
T's an ID-10-T error
%
BOFH Excuses:
Dyslexics retyping hosts file on servers
%
BOFH Excuses:
The Internet is being scanned for viruses.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Your computer's union contract is set to expire at midnight.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Bad user karma.
%
BOFH Excuses:
/dev/clue was linked to /dev/null
%
BOFH Excuses:
Increased sunspot activity.
%
BOFH Excuses:
We already sent around a notice about that.
%
BOFH Excuses:
It's union rules. There's nothing we can do about it. Sorry.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Interferance from the Van Allen Belt.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Jupiter is aligned with Mars.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Redundant ACLs.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Mail server hit by UniSpammer.
%
BOFH Excuses:
T-1's congested due to porn traffic to the news server.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Data for intranet got routed through the extranet and landed on the internet.
%
BOFH Excuses:
We are a 100% Microsoft Shop.
%
BOFH Excuses:
We are Microsoft.  You are not experiencing problems.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Sales staff sold a product we don't offer.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Secretary sent chain letter to all 5000 employees.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Sysadmin didn't hear pager go off due to loud music from bar-room speakers.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Sysadmin accidentally destroyed pager with a large hammer.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Sysadmins unavailable because they are in a meeting talking about why they are unavailable so much.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Bad cafeteria food landed all the sysadmins in the hospital.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Route flapping at the NAP.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Computers under water due to SYN flooding.
%
BOFH Excuses:
The vulcan-death-grip ping has been applied.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Electrical conduits in machine room are melting.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Traffic jam on the Information Superhighway.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Radial Telemetry Infiltration
%
BOFH Excuses:
Cow-tippers tipped a cow onto the server.
%
BOFH Excuses:
tachyon emissions overloading the system
%
BOFH Excuses:
Maintence window broken
%
BOFH Excuses:
We're out of slots on the server
%
BOFH Excuses:
Computer room being moved.  Our systems are down for the weekend.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Sysadmins busy fighting SPAM.
%
BOFH Excuses:
Repeated reboots of the system failed to solve problem
%
BOFH Excuses:
Feature was not beta tested
%
BOFH Excuses:
Domain controler not responding
%
BOFH Excuses:
Someone else stole your IP address, call the Internet detectives!
%
BOFH Excuses:
It's not RFC-822 compliant.